Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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