PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
