everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
