I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize