I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
