i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
