one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize