She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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