i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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