We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
