smell my finger.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
