turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
