Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
