She is in my trunk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
