i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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