Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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