I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
