so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
