That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
