I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize