Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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