I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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