I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
