I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
