I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
