I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
