u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i will never coherently bang her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
