ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
