Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
