Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
