I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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