I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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