If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
