it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
