He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
