Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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