naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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