I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
