You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
