that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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