As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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