I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
