my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize