We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
