Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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