The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i out mim tonsoeep
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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