I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
