I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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