yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
