If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
