How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
