Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
