There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
