Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
