Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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