i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
