come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
