I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
