I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
