Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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