first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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