Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
