Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
