shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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