When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
