If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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