Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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